Wants

• To be one of the guys
• not to be seen as a dyke who wants to be a boy
• not to be seen as trans
• not to have to explain it to all my family and friends
• to have someone to talk about this too... in real life
• to move away to where know one knows 
• to understand myself
• to be sure

This is going to be a short post guys because I have to leave for work in about 20 minutes but I just wanted to say thanks for all the messages and comments on my blog. I can't believe people are actually reading this. Its really weird I'll go a few weeks without any page views and then this morning I got 15 pages views  a lot of people from south Korea and Turkey have been check out my blog which is really awesome :)
I don't really have any exiting updates I just wanted to say hey to everyone. The past few days of work have been really heck tic and frustrating I can't wait to get put on a another shift. My girlfriend and I should be moving in together in a few months and I'm super exited about it we have been trying to move in together for almost two years now and its finally going to happen so I'm super stoked! Sorry for the really boring update guys hope your having a good one
Peace

hey guys

Hey everyone it's been a while sense I wrote anything. I just wanted to let you all know I'm still around. I have been really busy latly with work and junk.  I have been binding more often now (using an ace bandage) I have gone out wearing it a few times but never when I was going to see someone that I know I love the feeling of binding and being able to... well not exactly pass but have people question who I am but wearing it is a bit unconfortable and my heart goes out to all they guys that where one every day. It must be really unconfortable for long periods of time. I still don't think I'm ready to talk about any of this to anyone it yet. I have told my girlfriend that I am questioning my gender and she said "be whatever you want to be" I know she would be suportive no matter what but her comment made me feel like this is something I'm choosing to do.
Right now I am still going by female pronouns and a female name but I have really been thinking about the name Shane latly. I really like it for some reason. Anyways I'm meeting one of my friends at the gym in an hour so I got to go. Thanks for reading.
Peace

...

What about my family?

Labels and binding.

      Labels are a strange thing they seem to be really important for for people, some could care less and some think that labels are ridiculous and people shouldn't be labeled. I myself have to agree that people shouldn't label others. However if someone wants to label themselves then that's perfectly fine. Some people need that label there to know who they are and that there are other people who identify the same way. I for example really wish I could find a label for how I feel about my gender and find people who feel the same way. I guess gender queer would be the closest thing I have to a label right now.
     Because of the fact that I am still working through all of this myself right now I don't feel that I should come out right now. I started a new job on Monday and I tried my best to stay as gender neutral as possible, I actually had someone call me he but then someone I knew from high school came and blew my "cover." So thats the end of that idea.
     On another note, I tried binding for the first time last night just using an ace bandage. I have a rather small chest so it worked out really well and I really liked the results. :) I kept it on for a few hours well I was at home. Hopefully I will get the courage to go out binded pretty soon though I'm still sure I wouldn't pass.

Sorry for the weird entry guys, I haven't posted in a few days and I had a lot of scattered thoughts to get off my chest
Peace

Well... my xbox is being fixed and I should have it back in a few weeks. I never realized how much of a nerd I was until my video gamers were taken away *sigh* lately I have been very aware of gender and gender roles. I don't know where I fall on the gender spectrum  but I have come to notices that the way I look, my body is very petit, my facial features are extremely feminine but on the inside I don't feel like this. As a kid I played with sports I played with lego and I played with everything a normal little boy would play with and only hung out with boys. As a teenager I didn't like wearing dresses or any feminine clothes for that matter. Now as an adult I am a mix of both genders. I have day where I feel like binding and wearing my brothers clothes, and others in which well.... i wouldn't say that I feel like wearing dresses but I like being viewed as a girl. But no matter the way I look on the outside I always feel the same way on the inside. Anyways, thats all I have for now.
 Peace.

frustration

My xbox 360 is done for good. Its so frustrating how crappy everything is put together now a days. I have had my xbox for just over a year so microsoft wants 100$ to fix it. UGH!!! I'm going to sell it to EBgames or Game buzz and spend the money on a new one I guess. That's pretty much it I just wanted to share my frustration with the mythical people that have been checking out my blog.
Peace.